I quit exercise. What I gained might surprise you…
I Quit Exercise
What I gained might surprise you.
Exercise is a part of who I am. So much so, that five years ago I started a boot camp in the park, which evolved into a full grown fitness studio. Fitness is not only what I do, it’s what defines who I am. For as long as I can remember, even as a child, I had been fascinated with fitness. I loved how it made me confident, optimistic, and taught me discipline. It was so ingrained in my being that even when I was hustling to make ends meet, working two jobs and 12 to 14 hour days, I would still find time to exercise at any expense.
I had no idea that over the years exercise wasn’t just something I did, it had become something that defined who I was. It had become my identity; if I didn’t exercise, I would feel guilty. It became routine, no longer out of enjoyment, but out of necessity. I began to obsess over it. I would make time to exercise even if it meant sacrificing the sleep I so desperately needed. I would make time to exercise even if it meant missing out on social events or family functions.
Being in the fitness industry it was not only my identity, but it had become my sense of worth. If I was not fit, I felt that I would be an imposter; damaging my credibility and how others perceived me. Ironically, the stress of exercising, combined with other stressors in my life, was actually causing my body to store fat, causing me to put on unwanted weight - no matter how much I exercised.
I appeared to be healthy… I was exercising, eating (fairly) well (... thanks, stress), and doing the right ‘things’. But, after a serious drop in my energy, difficulty falling asleep, trouble getting out of bed in the morning, and mood swings, I decided to seek the professional advice of a Naturopath.
“No exercise for a month”
That was her recommendation.
You’ve got to be kidding me I thought as I tried not to let her see my eyes roll. My heart began beating faster, and I could feel the cortisol rise in my body as I began to sweat. I tried to hide my internal panic.
“And no meal plan - you don’t need to stress about food, you just need to eat.”
What?! This woman wants me to quit everything I know. She also wants me to get fat… She must! The only time I’ve ever not exercised in my life I was a miserable mess; I gained weight, felt like a hypocrite, and resented myself for it.
But, for some reason, despite my inner dialogue and momentary panic, I trusted her.
No exercise for a month. Here it goes, I thought… do I start today? Do I wait until Monday…? That’s what most people do when they start something right? But I was quitting something…
And so, I just quit.
And I didn’t gain weight.
Not according to the scale anyway. Sure, my body has changed - it’s not as lean, it’s not as firm or athletic. But, what I gained was more than a little fluff, it was an entirely new perspective on life.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t stress about exercise. My identity was completely stripped from me - regardless of what anyone thought, I needed to do what was right for me. For my health.
I stopped exercising and gained an extra two hours of sleep a night (which, is a big deal - especially after declaring that I am one of those people who can live off of 5-6 hours a night. Turns out, I can live off of that (and so can you) but you cannot thrive off of it).
I also stopped worrying about gaining weight and just trusted that more than worrying about weight, I needed to focus on minimizing stress, and just ‘being’.
And I gained…. freedom.
Not once did I worry about what I “should” be doing, that I “should” be exercising, or that I “shouldn’t” eat that. I had to completely detach myself and my self worth from how my body looked, how often my body moved, and what others thought, or might think of me.
I quit shoulding on myself.
It wasn’t about anyone but me, and my true health.
You see, what you perceive as healthy habits, aren’t always healthy. A body building diet is a short term solution, but it’s not a long term health strategy. 12% body fat might look amazing, but it doesn’t account for the damage to the metabolic system, the mental exhaustion, and the work and sacrifice it takes to get there; cutting out nutrients and food groups isn’t healthy, nor realistic long term.
Sacrificing people, and relationships to exercise isn’t healthy either. The number one predictor of longevity is the quality and quantity of relationships in your life. Not the condition your body is in (though, your health and body does play a strong role, it is not the only factor). A hot body can’t and will never make up for a lonely heart.
They also say you can’t out exercise a poor diet - It’s confirmed, I also learned this to be true. So I binged, or stress ate… no problem - I’ll run a little further tomorrow. Nope. Not when you can’t exercise. I decided when I entered my no exercise journey that I would not feel shame, or guilt and that my physical and mental health, that my overall health was my priority. So I ate a burger, or I had a second slice of cake - I could no longer beat myself up over my nutritional choices and out exercise them the next day. I had to accept them, give myself grace and compassion, enjoy the moments, the memories, and move on.
I was not a bad person or an imposter if I made a “bad” nutritional choice. I decided to ban the words good and bad and instead focus on the idea of nutrients and nourishment. A nutritious meal didn’t make me a nutritious person, and a non-nutritious meal didn’t make me non-nutritious. Suddenly, any shame or guilt disappeared and I had the freedom to actually enjoy my choices, nutritious or not.
Sure, when I quit exercise, I gained a few inches, and I gained a little fluff; but I gained even more than that.
I gained the freedom to be myself, to see myself without judgement, without fear of what others might think. Yes, I’m a fitness professional, and even more than that, I am a human being; a real person on a journey to being my best self so I can help others be better themselves.
I gained clarity. I realized that there is more to life than just exercise and nutrition.
I gained confidence. I realized that my confidence is not tied to what I look like, weigh, or do.
I gained presence and participation. I learned that I could enjoy any and every situation without worrying about what I would eat, how many calories were in something, how much I ‘should’ exercise later.
I learned that you are worth so much more than how your body looks, the choices that you make, and the “discipline” you have. I learned that exercise is important, but that it doesn’t define who you are. I learned that exercising because you want to is so much more enjoyable than exercising because you have to.
Now, two months later, I have the green light to exercise again, and I exercise because I actually want too. Not to be a role model to others, not to have a hot body, or a great ham/glute separation. I exercise for my mental health, my physical health, and to be my best self in every capacity. I no longer stress if I can’t exercise one day, because my worth is no longer tied to it or the results from it.
So, I quit exercise and I didn’t gain weight…
I gained self love.
For you, you might not need to quit exercise to gain self love. Maybe you need to start it. Or maybe you need to change your nutritional choices and eat better for yourself, your health, your energy, your career, or your family. I promise you; beating yourself up, or stressing over anything is never going to help your situation. A meal plan or an exercise program is not the solution; they are merely utensils to the solution. They don’t provide the result. You, and your outlook on the journey provides the result. Get healthy internally, and you will radiate health and be inspired to create health externally.
My blogs are my stories. But I want them to inspire your stories. For this reason, all of my blogs end with a thought provoking question.
What unhealthy habits do you need to quit? What thoughts do you need to be free from?
xo,
Brady
Did this resonate with you? Leave me a comment so I can leave you some self love :)